Balls to the Bully

By Kalamwali in Experiences
Updated 14:42 IST Feb 15, 2018

Views » 1987 | 6 min read

I am not ordinary. I never was. And I never will be. Just like you. None of us are ordinary and that is an undeniable fact. If we were all meant to be normal or ordinary, we would have been produced and processed in factories and not been born is different homes, under different circumstances, with different traits and natures and most of all different physical attributes.

I am about to pen down the most controversial piece of my life so far and well, it’s not going to be a piece of cake but it’s going to give me peace of mind.

When we sat to discuss the theme of the month for February on Kalamwali, I knew we didn’t want to do the usual “month of love” jazz. After doing some research we hit a rather serious topic- Bullying. The moment it was decided that ‘Bullying’ will be the topic of the month, I knew I had to write.

Honestly, bullying is very generically considered as something that happens in schools, colleges, hostels etc. I was fortunate, popular and strong enough through my growing up years to have never encountered even a half-hearted attempt of bullying. And when I finished my education, I thought that was it. Any possibility of bullying is over.

But I was more wrong about this than I have been about many things in life. Subtly but consistently, through my twenties, I faced pressure. This was societal pressure. I took it in my stride thinking it happens to everyone and I didn’t have to take the pressure even if it was put on me. These were the early signs of Social Bullying.

Towards the end of my twenties, my life went through a turmoil. Some of it was self-inflicted and the rest of it was the result of assumptions people made about the happenings in my life. Again, I have no idea what is achieved by giving other’s lives and life choices such serious thoughts rather than investing genuine time and effort in sculpting your own. But that I believe is the primary right of the people who proudly call themselves as the ‘society’.

Yes, Social bullying is what I am addressing here. It's huge, its ugly, it needs to stop because it is a CRIME. So many of us are victims of Social Bullying. Some of us realize the rest of us play dumb.

Who decides the norms of a society or a community? Who decides right, wrong, good, bad, ugly? Who decides who gets to protect these self-imposed rules? And who decides what has to be done with the ones who have done things differently?

In the recent years, I have been personally targeted, directly, indirectly, anonymously and in every way possible. I really have no qualms about those who have directly bullied me into thinking I am a misfit. It’s the indirect and anonymous carriers of the societal crown who have generated tremendous disrespect in my mind of the concept of a society.

Once upon a time, I believed that a community or the society was made for people from similar backgrounds to protect each other from outsiders and to inspire, encourage and empower each other. But what has manifested is an internal war. A constant struggle for power, an incessant need to judge and pass judgment. Even attempts of punishing those who do not fit the bill.

Disapproving stares, behind the back discussion, taunting, social haunting, name calling, disrespectful hateful remarks in full quorum are all forms of Social Bullying. Social bullies are particularly spineless people hiding behind the dramatic curtain of Social Norms. They take responsibility for cleaning up the society by behaving in a manner that is not even minutely socially acceptable. If at all, each one should take responsibility for his or her own behavior. Trying to punish someone else, suppressing feelings of people they call their own, is what this group of people love to indulge in. Under the pretext of ‘protecting the society’.

If at all, social power should be utilized in uniting the community, helping those in dire need of coping from any kind of unfortunate incidents, encouraging the youth to step out of the comfort zone and achieve something pathbreaking. The social power that is utilized in social bullying opens doors for a rebel. And history is proof, a rebel is dangerous.

Personally, I feel, if the so-called ‘society’ has little or zero contribution to my personal achievements, they have NO RIGHT to comment on my personal failures. Social hatred resulting in social bullying is almost as good as a form of terrorism. Without bullets and bombs but with the same intensity of need to control actions of others.

What is the use of being religious and God-fearing if you feel uncontrollable hatred for people with different ways in life and take responsibility for punishing them personally? Just like no religion supports terrorism and violence, NO RELIGION SUPPORTS SOCIAL BULLYING. Bullying is not an act of bravery, but that of cowardice.

As for those who ceaselessly try to socially bully others, feel sorry for them. Nine out of ten times, their lives are a total failure. Neither they achieve something by being socially stringent, nor otherwise. Yes, the bullying does affect anyone who gets bullied, psychologically for a few days, but when it settles, it strengthens the person. And this I can say from my personal experience. I can’t be more thankful for the clarity I get about how unnecessary it is to give in to social obligations. After all, it isn’t important how many people approve of your actions. Because it’s up to you whom to give the right of approval to.

If you think logically and identify a social bully, you will rightly realize that there is always someone close to the bully (typically children) who wants to break free from the social norms that are intricately woven around them suffocating them slowly. There’s always someone secretly rebelling or living dual lives under social pressure. What then, has this social bully achieved? In my opinion, enemies at home.

And reliably speaking, less is more. Know your people and treasure them. Think beyond religion, community, city, state, country. There is much more to life than being restricted to a group of people. At the end of your life, it never will matter how right or wrong you were according to this group of people. What will matter is how you feel about your own life.

The relations you build outside of the ones you are born with is your wealth. What you follow after understanding and not that is enforced upon you, is your wisdom. How you add value to lives of others irrespective of their backgrounds is the true charm of your knowledge.

Do not be a slave to the society. Do not let anyone bully you into fitting into a place that will restrict your abilities. If you know you haven’t committed a crime, do not let anyone make you look down upon yourself. This is precisely what a Social Bullies want to achieve. The best way to defeat a social bully is to keep your head up high and continue on the path you have chosen, with grace.

Fight Social Bullying. Stop Social Bullying. But if you must, bully the bully into stop bullying!


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Jyoti 22-Jun-2020 15:17

So rightly said, the people who are narrow minded and do not adapt to change will continue to criticize those who do not follow"the correct path" according to them but as we mature we know that we are not answerable to such people. As someone has said the people who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

Kalamwali 19-Aug-2020 15:11

Thank you for your comment Jyoti.

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