Two pink lines

By Diyaa in Experiences
Updated 08:27 IST Oct 25, 2016

It was a Tuesday evening, sometime in December. I came back home very tired after meeting up with my family who had just come down from The United States to spend their holidays here with us. All I did that day was take them shopping. That’s one thing that can never tire a woman in any state. But crazily when I drove back home after all the city distance I was dead n least excited about what I had purchased along. I had never felt so dull in a while, like I had lost my energy. It had been two days since I missed my monthly dates and something asked me to buy a home test kit.    Even though it says u have to wait till the morning to get accurate results. It came with all the possible rules and instructions that I never bothered to read and went ahead taking the test. In less than few seconds I saw two pink lines. I knew what that meant. Nothing compares to the happiness of seeing two positive lines on the strip especially when u are ready to take up the big responsibility. I was very much ready. This wasn’t my first time but stepping into motherhood anytime never had its limits.  The thought of having a new life in me, a newborn to hold, a soul to love, a sibling for my elder one was very blissful.    My yet first reaction was to call my soul friend abroad without even worrying about the time difference and ask her if seeing two positive lines meant the same to her what it meant to me. We were thrilled. She yelled in excitement. My next call went to my mom of course. We jumped with joy. My soul now shared its part with another small being. I was very grateful to God.      I soon had my formalities done. That of seeing a doc and getting the facts right. I downloaded almost 10 apps on my smart phone that would give me the knowledge of bringing this baby perfectly into the world. My first being born when I didn’t have much knowledge and smart phones with apps. I started reading into it all day, started following everything it said. To the extent that I would eat and cook only after seeing what was permitted in pregnancy and how much of it is safe whether I could take caffeine or eat fruits and which calorie foods would do good. I started reading about what symptoms you should feel at what week and what means harm.      I had my fourth month scans, the big scans. I read about what I should be expecting out of it. The more I read the more I dreaded. I feared what could come out in the results, a normal baby, physically and mentally healthy baby or not. I read all possible outcomes of these scans. This started making me emotionally drained. I feared everything and every little thing that would harm my baby. But I wasn’t realizing that thinking about it was creating stress for us and in turn this could have harmed us. It started showing on my face. My anxieties doubled, I had emotional outburst. The tensed look, the irritable nature all came from my fears more than my concerns. I started blaming all on hormones. All my frustrations pushed me away from people I loved. I read dreading stories about other women who went through tough pregnancies.  It reflected on my health and my doc asked me if I wanted to join her profession which I never could intend or think of ever. She only meant I had to stop reading more and inviting trouble unless I really wanted to get professional.       I had this awakening moment one morning that made me realize there’s a higher power taking care of me and this little wonder always. I only needed to increase my faith and reduce my doubts. I had to stop blaming my first pregnancy issues to be an excuse to know more this time. I realized I was actually missing out on my happiness, the true joy of enjoying the being in me. I had become a media maniac. I needed to stop this ASAP. I decided to delete all the apps. I didn’t need any extra information. God gives us all basic understanding and more so to a mother that she will never do anything that harms her baby. I disconnected from outside information network and connected more inwards.  I understood every symptom didn’t necessarily mean harm.        I felt my baby’s kicks, more like flutters. The most beautiful feeling I ever felt. With time advancing I felt stronger bonds and kicks. I could feel his hiccups also. The feeling that even when I m alone I m not lonely. There’s another soul dwelling inside me. I was responsible for this soul, his happiness, his well being. I just couldn’t afford to think negative or wrong. Like million other women I was also here to give birth to a beautiful soul. I couldn’t let the toxic internet eat my joy. I understood how there’s never enough for all of us to know but a lot more for us to feel. So now that I have put my anxieties ‘on hold’, I am only focusing on making this ‘transit period’ the most wonderful and memorable phase of my life. And like my yoga teacher said it, your baby is a special someone who will make your home happier, love stronger, patience greater, hands busier, nights longer, days shorter, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future brighter!!!

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