You know how there’s always that one chair in every room, or every home where everyone thinks it’s okay to dump anything and everything they’re lazy to put away? Yes that chair- That chair is by far the most taken for granted thing in your world.
I have a chair like that in my room too, which I share with my husband. Now I personally am a big fan of tidying and cannot stand to watch stuff lying where it’s not meant to be. But my husband is a champion of watching his stuff accumulate until he can’t find things he needs and finally decides to put it all away. Needless to say, I prefer to tidy on his behalf as well, but I’ve noticed that there’s this unique sense of joy he derives when he gets to fling things around at the end of the day.
So, we decided to meet midway and reached an undocumented understanding where my husband gets to create whatever mess he wants to, in one spot in the room. Which, but obviously happens to be on and around that chair. As do my children. They unabashedly walk into our room, and dump their mess in our room, on that chair. Used clothes, tried but rejected clothes, laundered and ironed clothes, office bag, towels, extra cushions, extra blanket, kids toys, bed time story books and just about anything that doesn’t deserve another thought from us in the moment they’re plonked.
Won’t lie about how bothered I still feel about it, but I am also some what relieved that the mess remains consolidated to one tiny corner of the house. And, sometimes I also get to dump my handbag on it, which thankfully, no one even notices.
Recently I cleaned out the entire room to the last kerchief lying around, and for a change that chair was absolutely empty and clearly visible. I noticed how beautiful it is. Carved out of a solid teak and meant to rock smoothly, it was an extremely thoughtful housewarming gift which we brought in our room because, the idea of relaxing on it seemed perfect.
Remembering that, as soon as I emptied the chair, I sat in it and realised that I hadn’t ever used that chair as it was meant to and it is by far the most comfortable piece of furniture in our house. Literally anyone who would sit in it, would agree. That's if someone ever got to sit in it.
Now compare this chair to the person who seems to have become this chair in a relationship, a friendship or a family. It could be you. It could be someone close to you, or someone you unknowingly treat like this chair. Dumping unwanted fears, insecurities, mood swings, bad days, negativity, gossip, unnecessary thoughts and conversations, and just about anything you’re more than happy to dump without thinking whether this person deserves to be loaded with it.
You once liked the idea of having this person be a part of your life, but along the way, you perhaps forgot that entirely and started to take for granted, this person’s availability in your life. Also for when it’s time to flaunt, celebrate, you’ll never bring this person to the forefront or even think of them. Just like I will never make this chair a part of my main furniture in the house. This chair’s fate is to remain in the corner of the room, under a mountain of unwanted things, where no one even notices it’s existence.
As grave and unkind as this sounds, it’s the reality of what some of us might have, or might be experiencing in our lives without realising it. If you feel angry, upset, heavy, unwanted, unpleasant or simply taken for granted in any of your relationships, you might have just become that chair. And if so, now is a great time to change that.
As the earth completes yet another revolution around the sun, I’ve decided to move positions a bit myself and stop being that chair for those who treat me like one and also stop treating those like a chair whom I tend to.
About the chair in my room, all I can say is, thank God it doesn’t have feelings. But also, an an ode to the analogy it became for an understanding as profound as this for me, I am going to empty, clean and shine her as often as I can, and also proudly bring her out every time we need extra chairs to seat our visitors!
- Kalamwali