Give me a break please!

By Diyaa in Experiences
Updated 09:38 IST May 25, 2019

         "Don't shout please and get away from each other!", "Is this really how you treat your own brother?” were the 'not-so-soothing' words that came out of my mouth that night. I was a witness to my boys’ fight, compulsively playing a role of a referee while my husband lay on the bed watching Netflix and simultaneously checking his whatsapp messages on his phone. I thought I was the only one who could multi-task around kids but he was way better when he came to it. I quickly settled the two little ones in their own space and a called it a night. I finally lay down on my warm bed and sank deep in my fantasy world. In my head, I couldn’t wait to go away from home to spend time on a holiday. My hubby had planned an exotic one for us later this summer. Knowing I would be travelling with my boys and my in-laws and being the lady of the house, I would be at duty more there than here. So what I was looking at was loosening up from my hectic routine. My day comprised of school drops and pickups, evening activity classes for kids, cooking, cleaning, feeding, supervising my house help, attending my hobby classes and so on, all in a span of twelve hours. I was wondering if there’s more to it all. I needed a break! Period! This very thought made me miss my folks and now I so desperately wanted to see them. I thought this is the perfect get away from my over whelming routine.

 

I wanted to go to my mom’s for a real holiday, where I knew I would be at ease. My kids, very well taken care of and I get to take a breather from the routinely mommy duties. So here I came for a fortnight. I wanted to put my feet up, have the television remote all to myself; cook may be a meal or so when I felt like and lets the kids be. This is exactly how it turned out to be the first few days. Just as I Imagined! Waking up mornings without having to set the alarm was so relaxing while the evenings were fun filled with outings to different places. Just about, on the fifth day, my mind became restless. This all became so routinely again. I wished to do some work, get out more constructively and discipline the kids too. The kids out of their routine were getting on to me. This place made me very happy but there was something missing. Now I wanted a break from this plain customary living to something more thrilling. I thought about the holiday my hubby planned for us.

 

I started researching more about this destination. The thought of snow-capped mountains, highest peaks, exciting adventures, lake side walks kindled my spirit immediately. I was lost in the thoughts of the lit streets and road side cafes where I could relax with my family and not worry about anything. Finally there would be an agenda in this relaxation I felt. That’s what made me content, just thinking about it. That I won’t be simply wasting time doing mundane things but exploring new places, meeting new people and learning about a whole new culture. I thought about how for a change my social media gallery would glow up too like the others with some gorgeous and appealing pictures. People appreciating and liking my travel pictures to such an exclusive destination would pep my ego somewhere! I was all wide smiles in my head until the thought of returning back to my home after this holiday popped my head.

 

It felt like a hundred meter fall from top! The unpacking of not just my bags but my all my boys and settling the home back to what it should be made me agitated. Ten days of a chic holiday and back to square one, just like that? I understood there was something major that went missing. I sat down with myself. I realized it all started with breaking away from my routine to my mom’s house and from there to this holiday and now back again to where I started. If all this couldn’t give me peace of mind, what is it that I was looking for in the first place? It was my restless mind that played along all this while. Yes, there’s no solution to discontentment of an anxious mind they say. Escape from anywhere is possible but from your own mind is what needs working on. I was running away from my own thoughts, my own self and not any place, people or a destination. When I was at my husband’s home, I missed my parents and when I was at theirs I missed my husband so much. What was it that took my peace away from me?

 

There’s novelty in these experiences for sure. New places give you the thrill but only for some time. When this becomes familiar too, there’s need for a break again. The mind wants something different all the time. The adrenaline rush is never enough. The monkey mind keeps jumping in search of happiness that it thinks is elsewhere. Exactly like how we see the grass greener on the other side. When we compare our life to the crafted filtered highlight reel of another is when envy is born. Only when we forget to focus on our grass is when we find faults and comparisons. The grass is greener where you water it. Who said the greener the grass, the happier we are? Why not be grateful for whatever we have. Smaller, paler, greener, whatever it is, it belongs to us and only we can take care of how we want it to be. 

 

When I decided to be grateful for my life and its experiences, is when I truly found my peace of mind. I no longer felt the need of running away from myself to a place quieter, better, more beautiful and scenic. It was all in my head. The more grateful I was the happier and calm my mind felt. I When I befriended my own mind it became my savior. I realized that the only holiday I truly ever needed was actually from my own mind.

 

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Team2dzign 14-Oct-2019 10:24

Hey very well worded !