It is all too easy to forget. That is the sole reason people stray. You know what you want and you have plans on how to get it. You have every asset required within the reach of your hand. But then, they tell you a story. A story that is true and which contradicts every single aspect of your methods not of how to do what you want to but of how you live. You try to hear without listening but the harm is done, though you do not know it yet. You still think it is possible, only that every other time you tell yourself this a mild hesitation, which was not there at the beginning, roots itself further in your conscience obstructing the flow of hope and energy that thrilled you to begin. Still you tell yourself what you want repeatedly. Only, steadily the will for action scuttles away. And when you just hope, you dream, which is a good thing to begin with but if it comes again, it enervates you and leaves you in a wistful hunger.
Then someone else comes with an altogether different story. This time you are a part of it and you enjoy your time in it. You live it, revise it and though, maybe, it doesn’t conform to the previous story but this time you are not alone and that gives you confidence. You think you are fine without anything else. And the voice, your voice that directed you once fades into obvilion. Now you are lonely when alone.
But don’t be disappointed, for one day it will come back to you while you are driving or chewing your food or appreciating the sky at dusk or maybe taking a dump. Yes, it will be lacklustre but you will hear. Just don’t ignore it then. Go begin again. What you do now will be worse than ever but why did you start at first? Did you think you were the best or you could do better?
Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I am not going to make it, but you laugh inside – remembering all the times you have felt that way.
– Charles Bukowski.