To all the sacrifices I have ever made, I think I am done, my child!

By Diyaa in Experiences
Updated 20:59 IST Aug 26, 2016

Views » 834 | 4 min read

It was late noon on a Wednesday, when my elder son returned from school. We had an activity class scheduled for him in sometime. I was very sleepy to go anywhere, the usual me these days, since my recently turned toddler keeps me awake at nights. I finished my tasks and quickly got both of them ready to leave with me. I didn’t have much work lined up back home, so I thought of waiting back till his session got over.

I saw an attractive book exhibition near his class. Being a book lover myself, I was easily pulled by the aura of that place. I could have spent hours at ease here was my first thought, but I had a time constrain, so I straight rushed to the kids section and started my hunt. There were books from all genres, from the rhymes to the novels and lots of activity books. There was everything u could ask for under that one roof. I picked couple of them from each section for both age groups of my boys. There I came across beautiful adult coloring book. Colors have always been my passion, so without a second thought I put one in my basket. I skipped the adult reading section for now. Once upon a time I could read 200 pages in just two days but now the same took me over two months and you would still find me moving around with the book only looking for a chance to finish it. There’s barely anytime left for these luxuries.

When I reached home and saw the collection I had picked it suddenly struck me that I only bought one book for me while I picked off dozen for them, when one of them can’t read yet and the other needs a push to do it every time. It should have been the other way round. Where’s the time to think about ourselves. Being born and brought up in an Indian household women have been taught to give up and let go of a lot of things, like going out late evenings with friends, wearing what we like only for neighbors who would speak ill, etc. We as women have sacrificed our friendships, dreams, likes, love, careers only to live up to the expectations of others.

There are women who have fought their way out and some lucky ones who don’t know what it’s like to sacrifice it all. While the rest were taught that this is the only way to make peace and make others happy. Its one thing to give and totally other to give up. Only we can decide what needs to be done where.

Aftermy child was born I learnt, if I am never happy I cannot make my babies happy. If I smiled they smiled, for them I am their world.

That’s why today I have made clear to them that I will need my space and time. I will go out with their father for movies without them, only so that our bond grows, I will go out for private lunches with my girlfriends when they are off to school or taking a nap, I can drive a mile longer without any guilt after having them dropped to school only to listen to my favorite song on radio or make some me time even if it’s for few extra minutes. The house work can wait, but my happiness and peace won’t. I will wear what makes me comfortable, when there’s a last piece of cake on the table I will teach them to share it with me. Sometimes when I am unwell I can expect them to pick their food from the oven and help themselves, if they ever have to eat one cold meal once in a while, it will never do that much harm. This in fact is only going to make them prepared for life they will see ahead.

These may be little joys to most and not even freedom to some, but as a mother it means a lot to me. I won’t let go off my duties towards them, I promised to give my best always. But not over sacrifices, so that tomorrow I won’t have to shed tears in pain and tell them I had to give up so much in order to bring them up. My making sacrifices at every step will only make their life full of roses but it isn’t so. Also I don’t want to live a life full of regrets and have some tiny people to blame on.  I have learnt to love myself as much as I love them both. They mean the world to me and may be this would be my way of blessing them. We are here only to help each other grow.

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Kalamwali 26-Aug-2016 22:11

Oh! This one's so close to my heart Diyaa! You've said. You can't make your loved ones happy unless you are happy and at peace! Bravo!!

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