Finally after many many long, gut-wrenching months of running in circles, looking for an answer, I guess I found one. Somehow today, I was able to maybe bore a tiny hole into his cold stone heart, from which leaked the long awaited words.
It wasn’t exactly what my ears were craving, but somewhere deep in my heart I knew that’s how it’s going to be. Maybe I just needed to hear him say it. As I hung up for the last time, my eyes filled up, my heart felt empty and my chest burned like a forest fire. Everything around me came to a stand still, I had two choices ; I could cry over it for the rest of my life OR I could accept it and let go off it.
Fortunately, I chose the latter. I chose to let go, I’d been holding it too long and too hard, bruising myself. Letting go meant reliving myself of the pain. Maybe it’s not over, Maybe I’ve hopes of revival, Maybe I’l fall back that road again but right now, in this moment I’ve made my peace with it.
“Did I ever really love him, or was I addicted to the pain, the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable.” – Carrie Bradshaw
- Manali Jobanputra