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Cut that Cord

By Kalamwali in Experiences
Updated 01:30 IST Jun 16, 2016

Views » 104 | 4 min read

I am a mother to an almost 4 year old, extremely sharp and emotionally aware girl child. She was born to me after a very emotionally challenging pregnancy and a very long labour where I almost lost consciousness due to some error in treating my labour pain with adequate sensitivity. When I regained consciousness and held her for the first time, I promised her that I would never let her feel unprotected or unwanted. I don't know why my heart was promising her that but I just wanted her to know that she was the most gorgeous looking life I had seen and I would make sure no one ever made her feel otherwise. This had somewhere risen out of the constant pressure in todays time and age to look perfect, feel beautiful. As she grew up, she obviously turned out to be a gorgeous toddler, extremely happy and a flexible baby. She had, or I can say still has that shine in her eyes that make her connect with anyone. She has the personality whom everyone wants to be around. even though she has never looked like me in her features or structure, her nature, magnetism and mannerisms were constantly compared or related to mine. This gave me the hope and the happiness and that assurance that there was someone who belonged to me. Who was selflessly mine. And I meant the world to her. I dedicated myself, my life and everything I had to her. I gave up whatever aspirations I had to put my energy into bringing her up. Where we live, its almost unacceptable to not have a baby maid. But I strictly refrained from appointing one, as I didn't want to miss a single moment of her growing up phase. This meant that from the moment she would wake up every morning I would be with her. Feed her, bathe her, drive around with her, run my errands with her, go to the parlour with her. And I think I was very proud of it. It gave me a sense of self satisfaction. I would be mocked several times for doing things that a maid easily could. But I had trained my mind to ignore these messages. As she started speaking, walking, socialising, going to school, she became more and more attractive, magnetic, and suddenly all those who kept telling me how underweight my child was, started swearing by her personality. she would often get praises from teachers, relatives, guests etc for being extremely well behaved and rooted. Each time someone complimented her, it was a compliment to my upbringing. Gradually, she became more and more conscious of the advantages she possessed due to her ever mixing nature and flexibility to adapt to any situation. This was the time she started making me feel that she is independent and doesn't need me really. She would even turn back to say bye or kiss me before leaving to go somewhere with her father or grandparents. And each time I felt a piece of my heart broke. Maybe I have clung on to her for too long. Maybe I have given her more of me than she needed. Maybe I have never given her that chance to miss me, want me, need me. Maybe I made her independent a bit too soon. Yes maybe a lot more. So how do I feel? I feel deceived. Yes. I feel Heart broken, yes. But should I give up? Should I let her keep going away every time, knowing that ill be standing there? Should I let her feel that its okay to not hug or kiss me, because I'll do it anyway whether she does it or not? No. I am going do what is more important and difficult for me than for her. I am going to CUT THE CORD. I am going to let go. I am going to give her the chance to realise that my constant presence in her life is not because I had nothing else to do. After all when she grows up and someone asks her what her mother does, she shouldn't have to think what I do. This is to all mothers stuck in a similar dilemma, CUT THAT CORD. Our kids are our flesh and blood. But let them realise and appreciate it. And the process begins now. Love them, Love them unconditionally. Protect them when necessary. Don't think or blink before being there for them. But don't stand staring at them when they are up to learning how to live their life. Let them experience and learn. Let them love you for the person you are. Not only because you are their mother. -KalamWali.
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